It was standing room only at the 2012 Humorous Speech and Table Topics contest on Monday evening at The Clerk & Well.
Introduction
The contests were introduced by Carrie who set the scene and explained the format of the evening for the benefit of everyone present.
The first half would be the Humorous Speech section with seven contestants giving prepared humorous speeches and the second half would be the Table Topics section – with eight contestants giving impromptu responses to a mystery question.
Swarajit in his role as Contest Chair welcomed us to the “very special meeting” and explained some of the formalities surrounding contests. He also encouraged everyone to give the contestants as much support as possible with lots of applause.
Humorous Speeches
The first speaker was Christopher – fresh from success with his recent best man’s speech – with a speech entitled “The Real You – The Do’s and Don’t’s of Exposing Yourself”. He tackled the gnarly subject of how much of your true personality should you reveal to a new girlfriend or boyfriend and how soon?
The second speaker was Ratan with his “Father of the Bride Speech” from his daughter’s recent wedding. Ratan gave a touching and humorous account of his relationship with his new son-in-law and shared fond memories of his daughter growing up.
The third speaker was Renars with “Fitness Today – How Insane!” and he came dressed to impress in a striking costume – think 1980s fitness instructor! In a very animated and amusing speech he gave us his insight into the three types of exercise regime we might encounter: army-style conditioning classes, body combat or beach bootcamp.
Michael was our fourth speaker with a speech entitled “The Great Fire of Hillbury Road”. Michael shared the humorous story of the time his in-laws offered to help him build a large fire in his back garden. With a heady mix of contrasting personalities it’s perhaps not surprising that things got out of control!
David was the fifth speaker with his emotionally-charged and energetic speech “I’ve Lost My Security Pass”. David’s boss has asked him to do one simple thing – send an important email by 9.15am – but David is challenged by late trains, packed lifts and – of course – a lost security pass.
Joe was the sixth speaker with his speech “Bad Drivers”. Joe loves driving but he’s on a mission to identify and eliminate the 5% of drivers whose bad driving can make the roads a misery for everyone else. If you’re a middle lane driver – watch out – Joe’s got you in his sights.
Glen was the seventh speaker with his speech “The Rise and Fall of a Bokashi Master”. Glen revealed himself as a fanatical recycler and described his attempts to recycle his leftover food with Bokashi – a Japanese-style of home composting.
Tables Topics
Opening the second half of the meeting, Swarajit shared a personal story where his experience with Table Topics at Toastmasters had paid off in the real world. That day he’d attended the London 2012 Parade and had been interviewed by a Sky News reporter.
He then introduced the Table Topics contest, where each contestant was required to give a 1-2 minutes response to the same question:
“In your opinion what is the greatest invention ever made, or yet to be made?”
Contestants were brought in the room one by one to speak, so that everyone had the same amount of time – just a few seconds – to think about their answer before speaking.
Each contestant tackled the topic in a distinct way:
- David felt that the world’s greatest invention would be different for everyone – for his daughter it’s hair tongs but for him it’s his Flymo
- Ratan believed that the greatest invention not yet invented is something to help control the butterflies he feels when speaking
- Joe felt the best invention was the whoopee cushion for its ability to take people back to their childhood – particularly when you put one under your boss’s chair
- For Chris the greatest invention was the Tazer gun for its ability to stop the bad guys without causing permanent harm. In fact he felt that they should be made available to the general public!
- Renars thought that the railway was the greatest invention with its ability to transport goods more easily and promote tourism
- Glen decided the greatest invention would have to enrich people’s lives, be available to everyone and make us happy and came to the conclusion that the answer was Guinness.
- In Paula’s view the greatest invention ever was the juicer. Who needs cows, pigs or chickens when you can turn raw fruit and vegetables into nutritious liquid food?
- Jo felt that best invention would be a device which could freeze time so she could come up with the perfect answer with the help of Google and a glass of red wine
The Results
When all the contestants had spoken, club president Femi took the opportunity to thank all of the judges and those others who had helped to make the contest happen. This also gave the Chief Judge Jakub time to compile and double-check the results!
On returning to the room Jakub said he felt he had the best job – because he got to know the results before anyone else!
With “drumrolls” provided by the audience, Jakub announced the winners of the Table Topics contest: David was first, Ratan was second and Paula came third.
He then announced the winners of the Humorous Speech contest: Glen came first, David was second and Renars was third.
This year the top two places will go on to compete at Area level, so Glen and David will go on to represent the club for the Humorous Speech contest and David and Ratan for the Table Topics contest.
Next meeting
Our next meeting is back to the regular format and is at the normal venue: 6.30pm upstairs at The Clerk & Well, 156 Clerkenwell Road, EC1R 5DU.
